I will now be going into my fifth week of staying at home. This new sense of normal has not quite been accepted by my mind. I had things to look forward to, as we all did, and each week that goes by makes me wonder if normal will ever look the same.
My job was an absolute joy and I looked forward to going every day. I get to work with some of my best friends doing something I am passionate about. Now I have to time my one hour workout between homeschooling, meals, and nap time so I can get some much needed alone time each day.
While I know I am extremely lucky still have an income and my whole family healthy I can't seem to combat this loneliness I have been feeling. An extra punch to the mental gut when I heard the announcement to extend the stay at home order an extra two weeks. When I log onto social media every day I see that this is a collective feeling. All of us are experiencing loss and a sort of trauma. Because of that, it's harder to reach out, to check on each other, even on a video call something just doesn't feel the same. I'm left longing. Every article I have seen about combating these feelings has said to limit exposure to social media and I see why. It's always there. My feed is now a constant stream of COVID-19 posts. Updates on death tolls, infection rates, protests, new executive orders, it goes on and on. While I'm not one to shy away from a political post, I can't seem to get away from it. It can't be making a positive impact on my mental health right now.
This seems ironic given the project platform I have chosen. But I'm hoping to put a small break in the cycle.
My favorite thing to do with my family and friends is simply exist together. I value being able to just be in someones presence, when there is no need to be doing something. Today's project mimics a child's search and find book. Ursula got one for her recent birthday. It's actually quite meditative, it gave me a while where my only problem was finding the hidden object. Five times a day I will go live and just be, inviting viewers to just be (virtually) in the space with me. A hidden object will be placed in the room for people to find during each video, comment when it's found but not where! Hopefully bringing a little distraction and childlike fun to the day.
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